Here we are at the end of the year, and we get a break from the school busses and waking up kids while we are on Christmas break. It made me think about following those behemoth yellow busses, as they meandered down the road at the start of the school year, and the doves in the freezer from the beginning of the school year. Those doves will be appetizers for the Christmas feast. Around here, they got rid of bus stops. I guess they figured the kids couldn’t walk a couple hundred feet to a centralized location. So, the bus stops in front of each house. Often it waits as the kid lumbers out of the house and lollygags to the bus. Then, the bus lumbers 30 yards, and stops in front of the next house to repeat the process. Poor kids miss out on the social interactions at the bus stop. They don’t have to deal with bullies or negotiate how to get along with each other.
I have also noticed the abundance of pictures that parents place to social media to document the kid’s first day of school in a new grade. I think that they should also post a picture on the 100th day of school, when they had to yell at the kid for 20 minutes to wake him up, after being awake fighting with the child to do homework the night before.
I can’t tell you how many times I have refused to go to Disney, for free. My wife has many conferences for her job (instructional designer) at Disney World. It still seems weird to me that a bunch of grown adults would go to Disney, but she always asks me to go as if it is the best thing in the world.
“No,” I said, “It is hot there. And adults that go to Disney without kids? That sounds creepy. It would test my patience to take a kid there,, let alone go alone. It’s hot.”
“There is stuff for adults to do there too,” My wife, Renee, said.
“Didn’t an alligator eat a kid there, a few years ago?” I asked. “I’m anti-alligator and anti-snake. I am a dog guy. I can’t go around gators and all those many snakes they have down there.”
That conversation, or one like it, has happened every year since we have been married. Multiple times in a few of those years. I just won’t go. This was all convenient when my stepson, Wes, was little. She would go to conference and I would watch the kid. I still remember an incident that happened while helping him with his math homework. The assignment was to estimate the answers to some addition problems.
“What do they mean by estimate?” Wes asked.
“I dunno,” I said, “Just add them together.”
The next day, I got a call from his math teacher.
“Mr. Ford?” the voice came through the phone.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“I am calling about Wesley’s homework,” she shrieked.
“Well, I check it, but I am not one of those parents that will fix it so he gets a 100% on everything,” I answered.
“I should say not,” she said with disdain dripping from her voice, “He missed every single question.”
“That can’t be true,” I said.
“I am his math teacher,” she said.
“He got all of those right!” I said.
“He most certainly did not,” came the teacher’s response, “He did not estimate anything. He added them and got the exact answer.”
“Yep,” I said, “He estimated pretty well.”
This, of course, was not what she wanted to hear. The same thing happened on his homework the next day. The math teacher called me again.
“Mr. Ford,” she said, “Do I understand Wesley correctly? He says that his mother is out of town for a conference. Do you know when she will be back?”
“She is away,” I said, “I think she gets home Sunday. No, wait, the conference ends Sunday. So, she returns Monday, perhaps Tuesday.”
“Well, Mr. Ford,” the disdain was back, “Which is it?”
“So,” I replied, “You wanted estimates yesterday, and today you want specific answers?”
Needless to say, the teacher wasn’t pleased. I gave her my wife’s cell phone number. No, late august doesn’t make me think of school. It is doves! Dove season starts at the beginning of September in my home state of Pennsylvania. There are a lot of reasons to hunt doves. They are delicious. Also, it is the return of bird hunting! Oh, and what can be better for working a retriever. These are all great reasons to hunt doves. Why do I hunt doves? I hunt doves to completely shatter my confidence as a shooter in advance of the impeding grouse, pheasant, and rabbit seasons that will arrive in October. Every time I miss, I am in disbelief that it could have happened. Again.
Then, some smarty pants always says to me, “You aren’t leading them enough.” Oh, yeah? Did you think I was pointing behind? I keep giving more lead, and that never works either. Oh, sure, a few birds fall, but not with the consistency that you would want. Then, I got to thinking that perhaps the problem was that they were too far. Doves are quick, and distance can be hard to read. Also, I never miss them when walking my dog and he flushes one. It is standing in a big field that gives me trouble. Also, my dogs are all beagles.
“Can I dove hunt with a beagle?” I asked the game warden.
“What?”
“Well, I can hit them pretty well when the beagle flushes them while I am rabbit hunting and dove season is still in,” I said, “So, could I let my dogs chase bunnies in the early dove season, before rabbit season opens, and just shoot doves.”
“I think that would technically be dog training, and you can’t carry a long gun while doing that.”
“But,” I said while pinching my index fingers together to make a point, “I could also argue that I was bird hunting with dogs that are prone to chasing rabbits.”
“Of course they are prone to chasing rabbits!” he said, “They are beagles!”
“Good point,” I said, “It was worth a try.”
Anyway, I now limit my shots in the big fields to closer doves. Maybe not as close as the ones flushed by the dogs, but still a lot closer. The end result is that my take home in dove breast is about the same but my ammunition bill is substantially less. Oh, and I also use a 12 gauge! I have gone from my 16 gauge to the .410 while rabbit hunting on many days. And I have swapped the 16 for the 12 while after those doves. You might want to try the same. If that fails, you can always stop by Lion Country Supply and get some spreader loads. They are made by Polywad, and I use them in my side by side 12 gauge in the left barrel, as my second shot. This works well on birds flying at me, with a close second shot. Also, since the left barrel has a tighter choke, the shot pattern doesn’t get quite as dispersed. A pattern that is too open simulates shooting too far away. But I love them as the second shot. If the flights of birds begin giving me crossing shots or are flying away from me, I will reverse my loads and put the spreader loads in my first barrel and save the tighter pattern for the second shot. I never go smaller than #7 ½ shot either, not for any load, spreader or otherwise.
That all sounded good, right? Well, my confidence will still be shattered, as the dove makes me wish I was shooting as well as a good baseball player hits, where failing 7 out of 10 times makes you a .300 hitter, and that is terrific. But I do better than I once did. If I could only convince the game commission that the beagle is a bird dog! Happy hunting.
I have also noticed the abundance of pictures that parents place to social media to document the kid’s first day of school in a new grade. I think that they should also post a picture on the 100th day of school, when they had to yell at the kid for 20 minutes to wake him up, after being awake fighting with the child to do homework the night before.
I can’t tell you how many times I have refused to go to Disney, for free. My wife has many conferences for her job (instructional designer) at Disney World. It still seems weird to me that a bunch of grown adults would go to Disney, but she always asks me to go as if it is the best thing in the world.
“No,” I said, “It is hot there. And adults that go to Disney without kids? That sounds creepy. It would test my patience to take a kid there,, let alone go alone. It’s hot.”
“There is stuff for adults to do there too,” My wife, Renee, said.
“Didn’t an alligator eat a kid there, a few years ago?” I asked. “I’m anti-alligator and anti-snake. I am a dog guy. I can’t go around gators and all those many snakes they have down there.”
That conversation, or one like it, has happened every year since we have been married. Multiple times in a few of those years. I just won’t go. This was all convenient when my stepson, Wes, was little. She would go to conference and I would watch the kid. I still remember an incident that happened while helping him with his math homework. The assignment was to estimate the answers to some addition problems.
“What do they mean by estimate?” Wes asked.
“I dunno,” I said, “Just add them together.”
The next day, I got a call from his math teacher.
“Mr. Ford?” the voice came through the phone.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“I am calling about Wesley’s homework,” she shrieked.
“Well, I check it, but I am not one of those parents that will fix it so he gets a 100% on everything,” I answered.
“I should say not,” she said with disdain dripping from her voice, “He missed every single question.”
“That can’t be true,” I said.
“I am his math teacher,” she said.
“He got all of those right!” I said.
“He most certainly did not,” came the teacher’s response, “He did not estimate anything. He added them and got the exact answer.”
“Yep,” I said, “He estimated pretty well.”
This, of course, was not what she wanted to hear. The same thing happened on his homework the next day. The math teacher called me again.
“Mr. Ford,” she said, “Do I understand Wesley correctly? He says that his mother is out of town for a conference. Do you know when she will be back?”
“She is away,” I said, “I think she gets home Sunday. No, wait, the conference ends Sunday. So, she returns Monday, perhaps Tuesday.”
“Well, Mr. Ford,” the disdain was back, “Which is it?”
“So,” I replied, “You wanted estimates yesterday, and today you want specific answers?”
Needless to say, the teacher wasn’t pleased. I gave her my wife’s cell phone number. No, late august doesn’t make me think of school. It is doves! Dove season starts at the beginning of September in my home state of Pennsylvania. There are a lot of reasons to hunt doves. They are delicious. Also, it is the return of bird hunting! Oh, and what can be better for working a retriever. These are all great reasons to hunt doves. Why do I hunt doves? I hunt doves to completely shatter my confidence as a shooter in advance of the impeding grouse, pheasant, and rabbit seasons that will arrive in October. Every time I miss, I am in disbelief that it could have happened. Again.
Then, some smarty pants always says to me, “You aren’t leading them enough.” Oh, yeah? Did you think I was pointing behind? I keep giving more lead, and that never works either. Oh, sure, a few birds fall, but not with the consistency that you would want. Then, I got to thinking that perhaps the problem was that they were too far. Doves are quick, and distance can be hard to read. Also, I never miss them when walking my dog and he flushes one. It is standing in a big field that gives me trouble. Also, my dogs are all beagles.
“Can I dove hunt with a beagle?” I asked the game warden.
“What?”
“Well, I can hit them pretty well when the beagle flushes them while I am rabbit hunting and dove season is still in,” I said, “So, could I let my dogs chase bunnies in the early dove season, before rabbit season opens, and just shoot doves.”
“I think that would technically be dog training, and you can’t carry a long gun while doing that.”
“But,” I said while pinching my index fingers together to make a point, “I could also argue that I was bird hunting with dogs that are prone to chasing rabbits.”
“Of course they are prone to chasing rabbits!” he said, “They are beagles!”
“Good point,” I said, “It was worth a try.”
Anyway, I now limit my shots in the big fields to closer doves. Maybe not as close as the ones flushed by the dogs, but still a lot closer. The end result is that my take home in dove breast is about the same but my ammunition bill is substantially less. Oh, and I also use a 12 gauge! I have gone from my 16 gauge to the .410 while rabbit hunting on many days. And I have swapped the 16 for the 12 while after those doves. You might want to try the same. If that fails, you can always stop by Lion Country Supply and get some spreader loads. They are made by Polywad, and I use them in my side by side 12 gauge in the left barrel, as my second shot. This works well on birds flying at me, with a close second shot. Also, since the left barrel has a tighter choke, the shot pattern doesn’t get quite as dispersed. A pattern that is too open simulates shooting too far away. But I love them as the second shot. If the flights of birds begin giving me crossing shots or are flying away from me, I will reverse my loads and put the spreader loads in my first barrel and save the tighter pattern for the second shot. I never go smaller than #7 ½ shot either, not for any load, spreader or otherwise.
That all sounded good, right? Well, my confidence will still be shattered, as the dove makes me wish I was shooting as well as a good baseball player hits, where failing 7 out of 10 times makes you a .300 hitter, and that is terrific. But I do better than I once did. If I could only convince the game commission that the beagle is a bird dog! Happy hunting.
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